i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
