I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
