So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
