I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
