I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
