when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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