ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i think i just lost a toe
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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