yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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