1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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