I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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