I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
