Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
