Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
