Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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