chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Boobs are out for the taking
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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