Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Terrible idea I love it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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