tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
