guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
