She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
