imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
