They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
