This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
