I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
