Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
