I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
