I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
