brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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