So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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