In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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