I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
