haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
