I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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