Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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