Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
