I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
