The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
