my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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