all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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