found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
