we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
