Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
