the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
