how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
