My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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