Got a toothbrush?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
