tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Lo siento on account of my penis...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
