Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
