He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
