Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
