I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
