just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
