a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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