So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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