Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
