And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
