I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
