I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
