Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
