my soul wont recognize me after tonight
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
