I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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