Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
