He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
