The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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