I accidentally had phone sex last night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
