i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
