I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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