Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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