Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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