This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
