So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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