don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
