i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
