My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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