Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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