Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
