If that was your dad, he is hot
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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